Asparagus Snack

Asparagus makes your urine smell unusual within about fifteen minutes of eating it. This snack does that too, just marinated first, which is somehow an upgrade.

Marinated asparagus spears, individually packed, gluten-free, and shockingly not soggy considering the packaging technology involved. Five packs, ready whenever.

Instructions: open pouch, eat asparagus, feel vaguely proud of a vegetable choice. Repeat as needed.

Somewhere, a very intense TV chef is yelling about how undercooked normal asparagus always is. This is already perfectly marinated, so nobody has to hear about it.

A fancy small-plates restaurant charges twelve dollars for three spears of asparagus on a tiny plate. This is five servings for about the same price, and nobody has to make eye contact with a waiter.

Keep one in a bag, a desk drawer, or a car console for the moment a vegetable is suddenly, urgently needed. It happens more often than people admit.