Fifteen unsettlingly realistic fake roaches for anyone who wants to test a roommate's fight-or-flight response. Drop one in a shoe, a lunchbox, or the sugar bowl and wait. They don't move, but the scream happens before anyone looks closely enough to tell.
Fifteen scratch-off tickets that look real enough to cause a minor heart attack before anyone notices the fine print. Scratch off the coating, reveal a fake six or seven figure win, and enjoy the three seconds of chaos that follow. Zero dollars won, maximum reaction guaranteed.
Fifty individually wrapped strips of fake bacon that turn a paper cut into a conversation piece. Sterile, latex-free, and shaped exactly like the real thing, so someone's going to ask if you're okay before they realize it's a joke. Comes in a reusable tin that looks classier than the bandages deserve.
A 5-inch dill pickle that yodels on command, because someone out there decided the world needed exactly this. Press the button, get an unreasonably enthusiastic yodel, and enjoy the confused silence that follows. Pocket-sized chaos for white elephant parties and coworkers who deserve it.
A pocket-sized violin keychain that plays one song and one song only: the world's saddest, most sarcastic little tune. Press the button any time someone tells you their problems and let the tiny strings do the talking. Zero real violins were harmed, mostly because this one isn't real.
Oh, your kids want to be an astronaut? Before they realize that isn't coming true, give them this freeze-dried ice cream. This is the kind NASA serves its astronauts for decades, so clearly nobody up there has told them it's kind of terrible. But yea, keep their dreams alive until college where they have to…