We all have that one special friend — the rebel who just refuses to celebrate Valentines Day. Their reasons are may but it always boil down to three reasons: they are heartbroken, they never had the opportunity to love, or they believe that Valentines is another commercial holiday made to justify spending. Whatever their reasons are, I am sure they also would like a bit of lovin’ anytime, right? Here are some anti-Valentines gifts for people who hate Valentines Day. Word of warning, only give these to those with a sense of humor.
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The Ex Knife Set
This is for that special friend whose heart has been broken prior to Valentines day. This knife set has a holder that looks like a figure of a person… every time they finish preparing food with these super sharp knives, these let them stab an effigy of their ex-lover, an abandoning parent or an asshole boss. Just the perfect stress relief after chopping carrot sticks.
Splash Cutting Board
This cutting board looks like a pool of blood. Perfect in tandem with The Ex Knife Set.
Break-Up Survival Kit
You know, breakups are like a Zombie apocalypse. In the end, everyone is going to end up either without a heart or a brain. </3
But seriously, this funny collection includes a book on moving on, a self affirming compact mirror, some sticker to ruin those photographs, a “do not cross” line and a poster that lists 10 reasons why you are better off without him. What a funny gag gift!
I Heart Nobody Shirt
Have you seen those shirts that say, “I <3 NY”? Bleach. Love sucks! Spoof it just in time for Valentines with an “I <3 Nobody” shirt! Same style, but now awesome and funny! Sorry, New York, we love nobody, including you.
I Love You With All My Butt Card
Funny Valentines Day card that should be given to those single people. Especially if you are bootylicious, like Beyonce.
Grumpy Cat Mug
“Smile for Me?”
“Happy Valentines? ”
Perfect! Grumpy Cat must be the ultimate Anti-Valentine… well, anti-everything, to be exact. Anyway, this ceramic mug is perfect for your grumpy friend who hates Valentines Day. This coffee mug hold 11 ounces of ex-lovers tears.
LOA Voodoo Doll Kit
This voodoo doll is the complete opposite of what you are thinking. It actually intends to do good for you and other people. Maybe your Anti-Valentine friend can do some voodoo to make themselves healthier and wealthier while those who date on V-day make themselves fatter from all the candy and poorer from all the expensive flowers!
Attack of the V-Day Zombies Card
Because you two will be watching those mindless folks walk like zombies on the streets. “Haha! Look that! Another zombie carrying wilted flowers!”
More Valentine's Day Gift Ideas?
These are not Anti-Valentines gifts, though: